Confidence Is a Practice

MODERN ETIQUETTE • CONFIDENCE • GRACE

I practice confidence far more often than I feel confident.

There. I said it.

There are plenty of moments when I don’t feel like the most confident person in the room.

And yet, I can walk to the front of that room and speak.

I can make the introduction.

I can have the difficult conversation.

I can make the decision.

I can do the thing that requires confidence—even while a little voice inside me is questioning whether I’m quite as sure of myself as I appear.

Does that make me an imposter?

Or does that simply make me human?

I think it’s the latter.

Because somewhere along the way, we started treating confidence as something a person either has or doesn’t.

I don’t think that’s how it works.

I think confidence is a practice.

You Don’t Have to Feel Confident to Practice Confidence

Speaking confidently to a room full of 50 sets of eyeballs takes practice.

Speaking confidently to 5,000 takes practice.

Running a business takes practice.

Making decisions takes practice.

Walking into an unfamiliar room takes practice.

Even adjusting our perspective—and the words we use with ourselves and others—to reflect confidence takes practice.

Sometimes confidence begins with changing:

“I can’t do this.”
to
“I haven’t learned how to do this yet.”

Or:

“I’m terrible at this.”
to
“I need more practice.”

Those aren’t empty words.

They change what happens next.

One closes the door.

The other gives us somewhere to go.

Knowledge. Practice. Confidence.

I think we sometimes expect confidence to come first.

We wait to feel confident before raising our hand, walking across the room, speaking up, introducing ourselves, or trying something unfamiliar.

But confidence often comes much later.

First comes knowledge:

“I know what I’m supposed to do.”

Knowledge gives us a starting point.

But knowing how to do something isn’t the same as being comfortable doing it.

So next comes practice:

“I have done this before.”

We try it.

Maybe awkwardly.

Maybe imperfectly.

Maybe with a little encouragement.

Then we do it again.

Eventually, practice begins to give us something knowledge alone cannot: experience.

And from that experience, confidence begins to grow:

“I trust myself to do it again.”

That’s the progression.

Knowledge	I know what I’m supposed to do.
Practice	I have done this before.
Confidence	I trust myself to do it again.

And the bridge between all three is repetition.

Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.

There is a reason we practice things.

The first time we do something, we have to think about nearly every part of it.

Where do I stand?

What do I say?

What do I do with my hands?

Am I doing this correctly?

Then we do it again.

And again.

And again.

Eventually, something that once required enormous effort begins to feel familiar.

Not necessarily easy.

Familiar.

And familiarity gives us something incredibly valuable:

Evidence.

I’ve done this before.

I know what comes next.

I made a mistake last time and recovered.

I can do this again.

That evidence is what we begin to rely on when the feeling of confidence hasn’t quite caught up yet.

This Is Why We Practice at Cotillion

This is exactly why we repeat skills at Little Rock Junior Cotillion™.

Our students learn what to do.

How to introduce themselves.

How to shake a hand.

How to make eye contact.

How to ask a question.

How to carry a conversation.

How to stand with a partner.

How to move through a dance.

That is knowledge.

Then we ask them to actually do it.

They check in.

They greet me.

They introduce themselves.

They shake my hand.

They practice with one another.

They dance.

They change partners.

They meet someone new.

That is practice.

And at the next Cotillion?

We do it again.

Not because one successful introduction wasn’t good enough.

Because one successful introduction doesn’t guarantee confidence.

Repetition gives students the opportunity to move from:

“I know what Mrs. McClure taught me.”
to
“I’ve done this before.”
and eventually
“I know I can do this.”

That is confidence.

Confidence Is Not Guaranteed

And yet, even after all that practice, there may still be moments when confidence doesn’t feel particularly present.

I certainly have them.

Experience doesn’t guarantee confidence.

Age doesn’t guarantee confidence.

Success doesn’t guarantee confidence.

Even being very good at something doesn’t guarantee that we will always feel confident doing it.

I can know how to speak in front of a room full of people and still feel nervous before I begin.

But I don’t have to depend entirely on how I feel in that moment.

I can depend on what I know.

And I can depend on what I’ve practiced.

I know what I’m supposed to do.
I have done this before.
I trust myself to do it again.

That’s a very different kind of confidence.

It isn’t bravado.

It isn’t pretending.

It is trust built through experience.

What I Want Our Students to Learn

I don’t want a child to decide:

“I’m just not confident.”

As though a verdict has been handed down.

I want them to understand that confidence can be practiced.

Practice looking up.

Practice speaking clearly.

Practice introducing yourself.

Practice asking the question.

Practice joining the conversation.

Practice trying again when the first attempt is awkward.

Practice recovering when you make a mistake.

Practice the words you want to be able to find when you need them.

Because these aren’t performances.

They’re skills.

And skills can be strengthened.

The Cotillion Lady™ Principle

Confidence is a practice, not a guarantee.

You don’t have to feel like the most confident person in the room to practice confidence.

Sometimes we act with confidence because we feel it.

Sometimes we act with confidence because we’ve practiced what to do when we don’t.

Knowledge	I know what I’m supposed to do.
Practice	I have done this before.
Confidence	I trust myself to do it again.

Repetition.

Repetition.

Repetition.

It makes all the difference.

You don’t have to wait until you feel confident to begin.

Sometimes beginning—and doing it again—is exactly how confidence gets built.

Continue exploring: See how LRJC builds confidence through our program and grade-level experiences.